So I had a little “episode” earlier. Felt it best to get out of the apartment, get some air, run an errand.
Trader Joe’s. Always makes me happy, just walkin’ in the door, hearing the retro playlist, waving back at the shiny staff. Turns out they’re already draggin’ in the big guns for the holidays. Fancy crackers, relabeled wines, NEW cheeses…
So I brought a little something home. Don’t you wag your finger at me.
They’re calling it “1000 Day Gouda.” Couldn’t even get her unwrapped to take a little promo shot without shoving a stab straight in my mouth.
“Oh my dear god that is good…” Still chewing, I looked around. The words were coming from me, like some disembodied automatic specter, unconscious and immediate. And I’m an athiest. (Well, ok, Buddhist, no so much anti-god as god-in-all, if you must.) So this was closer to the pleasantly unexpected orgasm than straight up religious experience, though that runs a tight border.
RUN PEOPLE! BUY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!! Don’t putz around, either, just buy the big chunks and horde them. This stuff keeps, hell, it’s already been aged 1000 days, figure it’s good for at least 1000 more at this point. Should hold up through whatever crackpot conspiracies come true 2012 and then some.
It’s got this wicked crunch factor, a bit like you’d get folding Trix cereal into stiffly whipped fresh heavy cream: little crystaline crunchy bites that melt into serene buttery madness with that delicate aged Gouda nutty fragrance melding it all together in pure heaven.
Yeah, I’m gonna say it. This is better than the unexpected orgasm. Cuz you can take another bite and do it all again…